12th Step #1

[Mark D]

I pulled my first 12th step this week, and I felt like a pig on roller skates.  A dear friend of mine from church asked me to visit this person in the hospital.  They were admitted for blood clots in the arm, but has a history of substance abuse.  So, I told my friend I would do my best to make it there, which I did.  Praying the entire walk down the halls to the room...

I did my best...  Naw, that's a lie...  I was scared to death and SUCKED!  I didn't beat around the bush as to why I was there, and he was none too thrilled to see me.  He gave me the look like, "Oh, no; another Jesus Freak!"  But I told him I wasn't there to push God in his face.  I said that if he was like me, he did not like to be preached at, and I was not there to preach at him.  I mentioned briefly a few of my general troubles due to alcohol (health problems, convicted felon, probation, should be dead or in prison, yada yada yada...)...  but as I did so, he began to glance away from the TV more often and stare -- yes, stare -- at me...  wide-eyed...  like he was actually listening or maybe heard something that connected with him or his experiences.  I told him that whatever he was going through and however he was doing with the substance part of his life, he was not alone.  Our mutual acquaintance has my contact infor, and I told him just to give them a shout if he ever wanted to talk or wanted to know more about the stuff we are involved with.  I didn't mention AA or the Big Book or any of the cliche's we all know and love and sometimes would love for others to forget (when they're using them on us, right?).

So, maybe I did some good...  yet, not I but my Higher Power from whom I asked for guidance and support.  Maybe what came out of my mouth is just what he needed to hear at that moment.  I don't need to know...  all I need to do is remain willing to carry the message to whoever and whereever I may be called.  I can grow, I can become more involved, I can stay in touch with my HP (you know...  some of that "conscience constant contact" stuff).  It's not about the good or bad job "I" do...  it's not about me...  it's not about good or bad performance...  it's about others and it's about willingness...  and I hope to continually be blessed with more of each...