Hardships

[Mark D]

The serenity prayer -- the COMPLETE serenity prayer -- asks that God grant the ability to accept "hardships as the pathway to peace". That's very hard to swallow sometimes, but it is possible.

I couldn't sleep this morning. Went to bed late and woke up early, but couldn't fall back asleep. For whatever reason, I had this on my mind. I'm home on medical leave AGAIN! This time it's through workman's comp, or at least it was. They dropped the case... said it was not work related. Oh, well...

So, I got to thinking about some of the questions I have been asked and some straight-forward statements made to me over my "condition"... by Workman's Comp, supervisors, company doctors, etc. And I asked myself, "What do you do in your time away from work, considering you have a back and neck problem? How do you spend your time?" And I came up with a short but definite answer...

I live... I am not rich nor financially set, but my Higher Power sees that all of my needs are taken care of. So, if something breaks, and I have been blessed with the know-how, I fix it. If I don't know, I ask someone how or go to the library and get a book and learn, and those avenues are both free and educational. I spend time with my family and do my best to take care of them and our home, and sometimes I forget about my "condition" and pick up something -- or someone, like one of my kids -- that I really shouldn't and I am quickly reminded that I have to take it a little easier at times. However, it's hard to resist the sad-puppy-dog face at times.

I exercise, because the doctors and physical therapists agree that exercise is not a bad thing as long as I stop anything that irritates my problem. Do I always stop? No... sometimes I push myself to do a little more because I get tired of the stretches of do-nothing-time. I try to not become a couch potato, though there are days I would love to be one, and on occasion I am. I try to not complain, although some days I do my share of it. I don't want pity, but I have learned to ask for help more than I used to. I have learned to say, on occasion, "Sorry, but I can't do that right now." Those are
hard to do, especially when it is in reply to helping someone, keeping an appointment, or a play-time request from my little ones.

I work... and, yes, it is at an actual outside-the-home job, but it has gotten to the point that it is not for an entire year at one time. I am learning to accept that I cannot do the job I have without a break when the pain gets bad enough. I am learning not to beat myself up when I have to take those breaks because I know I am being completely honest and doing my best to fulfill all my responsibilities. I leave the rest to my Higher Power.

Having said all that, I still go to bed most nights peaceful, serene, content with my life. That is due to this program. When it looks like no one at work believes I'm in pain, no one at work wants to help, everyone just wants to make sure they are not responsible, I put it in the hands of my Higher Power. He reminds me that there are those who care. He reminds me that, regardless of what it looks like on paper, He will take care of me and my family because I am attempting to do the next right thing. He puts people in my life who can and will help, and it doesn't have to be a "forever fix"... He keeps me above water, and that is perfectly fine with me. I may not be in the cabin of the boat, but I'm not drowning. Treading water for a while makes me appreciate the row boat and not wish for the yacht.

Hardships, in my life, truly are a pathway to peace, and I am grateful for everyone of them. The bills are paid or soon will be, the family is fed even though it's not always steak, the vehicles run most if not all of the time, the roof does not leak, the furnace and air conditioning are not perfect but working, the family is healthy and happy, and I am free from bondage, either physical or mental. And those are just a few of the many blessings -- THE PROMISES -- my Higher Power has given me, and there are more to come... many, many more.

Hardships will come... and go... and I know who I can always go to for help, advice, and strength. I have faith He will answer. Why? Not because He has always answered WHEN I wanted, because He has not. Not because He has always answered HOW I wanted, because he has not. But becaushe He HAS always answered... and no matter how long or in what way, He will again, and it will be exactly the answer I need.

[Cutty Sark Sailor]

“God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change:
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
May I be content to live one day at a time.
Permit me to accept the hardships as the pathway to peace.
Taking as Christ did this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it.
Grant me the faith that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His will
so that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him in the next. Amen.”
 
from http://ourspecial.net/misc/sereneoetinger.htm