Staying High in Recoery

[Mark D]

Listening to a person in a meeting today who was newer to the program than myself, I had a realization (my Higher Power is cool like that.)  I don't get "inebriated" anymore, not with a synthetic fuel.  But I have experienced and have come to enjoy on a regualr basis, natural highs.  I don't want to put synthetic substances in my body today.  I don't want the taste or smell of alcohol, I don't look forward to the initial burning and face-flushedness of that first drink, and I don't anticipate the fuzzy-headed relaxation I used to from the bottle of spirits (or bottles of other things, either).  I don't have these natural "highs" when only I think I should have them.  I have them when my Higher Power knows I deserve them, I guess you could say.

See, when I first came into the program and began to get sober and practice recovery, I heard people talking about these "pink clouds" they would get on, and some of them lasted for days, according to the speaker(s).  Well, I could NOT identify with any of that.  I had maybe one pink cloud in the first three months, and it may have lasted for about an hour.  But I enjoyed that hour so much, and it was not from anything I put in my body that didn't belong there...  it was all natural.  Now, I have these feelings quite often, especially with the weather lately, and I love it.  "Life au' naturale", if you will, is better than anything I have ever experienced.

The flip side to that is my fears that still come along...  they are, honestly, fewer and farther between.  What do I panic over the most?  If I get out of bed and start my day and realize that I forgot to pray.  I go and do that as soon as I realize I made this awful, awful mistake.  (And I must say that I have only made this mistake maybe three or four times.)

I am not perfect and do not expect myself to be (at least on most days).  I'm getting better at that at least.  I trust in God to take care of those things that are out of my reach...  And I find myself repeating these truths over and over...  Maybe that's because these truths are what work...  Yeah, heard that today as well.